The real fans who already bought their Miami-bound plane tickets get a second chance at life after football
Some might call it overconfidence, but you call it faith. Buying that Super Bowl ticket before you knew for sure wasn’t just a whim; it was a covenant with the universe. You tried. It didn’t.
But the universe — in the form of Heinz Corporation — has one more card to play. If you have a plane ticket bound for Miami this weekend, they’ll give you a chance to pick another town in which to make your peace with the football gods.
A Change Is Gonna Come
That’s right: For the brand-hyping price of 57 cents, Heinz will pay your change fees — effectively whisking you off to any place that isn’t hosting not your team. And while in that any place, you can drown your sorrows with the certain knowledge that not your team is not presently competing for the Super Bowl, where not your team will not enjoy the heady thrill of national attention, and not your team will not have a chance at getting the ring that not your team does not deserve.
Did you not see the signs when your team made the ill-advised trade/draft pick/pivot to running game/coaching shuffle/handoff at that exact moment when you knew FOR SURE that a tight bullet pass would cut right through the noise and leave you at a 2-yard dash from first down with more than enough time on the clock to make the running game keep working for you THEN?
Peace with Inches
Well. That doesn’t matter anymore. Because now you can go someplace else. Someplace else that also sells alcohol. Hey — when life gives you tomatoes, you can throw them at the team that let you down, or you can make ketchup.